


There's a Class for Everything

by mandykaysfic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Masturbation, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge 2016, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 09:20:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6848686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David didn't think he could learn anything from a class in masturbation, but he went anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's a Class for Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Non-Stargate AU.

He was going to kill him. David stared down at the voucher for the fourth time. When he looked back up at Ryan's laughing features, he felt his lips slowly curl and a reluctant smile chased away his frown. He wouldn't really kill his cousin. "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan."

"Payback's a bitch, cuz."

"Yeah, but a 'Wank Bank Master Class' voucher?"

"Sure! I haven’t forgotten the Tantric Sex workshop."

"You deserved that. I'm still recovering from the Cuddle Class."

"You can't blame me for the fact that nobody there wanted to cuddle you. Look, I checked the website. I could have booked you a group session, but I didn't. It'll be just you and the instructor. Go. Have fun. You may even learn something."

"I hardly think so! After all, I've been doing it for years." 

"How about a side bet. If you do learn something new, you'll attend Melissa's sex toy party, buy something and book a party of your own." Ryan picked up the voucher and waved it in David's face.

"Deal," agreed David, taking back the voucher. Ryan could have told him to go back to another Cuddle Class. He never wanted to go through that again. He liked Ryan's girlfriend, more so since she'd stopped trying to find him a new boyfriend, but he didn't want to go to a party with a bunch of giggling women - not that he'd be attending Melissa's party. Meanwhile, he'd have to begin searching for something really special for Ryan.

Ryan had started it. He'd given David a voucher for a photo shoot, a nude photo shoot, not expecting him to go through with it, he'd later confided to his cousin. To the surprise of them both, David had not only gone through with it, he'd actually purchased a photo package, although the prints had been stowed away, unframed, in a bedroom drawer.

Several months later, David retaliated by signing Ryan up for classes in stripping. He then found himself attending a workshop on how to write titillating sex scenes. They'd sent each other to sensual massage sessions and life art classes, sexercises and the cooking of aphrodisiacal meals. David guessed a private class in wanking would have to be more enjoyable than the ridiculous cuddle debacle.

~ * ~ * ~

He examined the name plates attached to the front of the building at the address printed on his voucher. Evan Lorne, (no title, no letters indicating a degree in anything inscribed on his name plate), shared a building with a psychotherapist, a dowser, an aroma therapist and two others who also gave no hint of their specialties.

“Here goes nothing,” David muttered. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and opened the door.

There were closed doors along both sides of the corridor. He found Mr Lorne’s easily enough; it was the third on the left. A quick glance at his watch showed there was still seven minutes until the time of his appointment. David debated whether to wait or go ahead and knock on the door. He didn’t want to interrupt someone else’s session; they could be at a crucial part in the proceedings, but there was nowhere to sit, and he’d feel like a fool going out and coming back in again. The decision was taken out of his hands when the door opened.

"Hello. You must be David Parrish. I'm Evan. Come on in."

David looked down at the dark haired man who'd greeted him. Grey t-shirt, black chinos, bare feet and a killer smile; not what he'd expected at all. Immensely grateful not to see a doctor's white coat or high-necked dentist-type jacket, he let out a breath he hadn't been aware of holding, and followed Evan into the room.

"Can I get you a drink? Water, soda, or how about iced tea?" offered Evan after David settled into the armchair Evan had indicated.

"Um, iced tea sounds good. Thank you."

Not only was Evan's appearance different from his expectations, the room bore no resemblance to his preconceived notions. He'd figured there would be beds, possibly as many as six or eight given Evan ran group workshops, but he could have been in the living room of a family home. The paintings on the walls were mostly beach scenes, rather than the nudes he'd envisaged. Instead of porn mags, beautifully illustrated art and travel books lay on the coffee table. What pleased him most however, were the indoor plants.

The _Ficus lyrata_ by the window stood easily six feet tall. Its large, leathery green leaves were beautifully glossy. He got up to take a closer look; Fiddle Leaf Figs, as they were called, were notorious for developing root rot if left sitting in water. The _Senecio rowleyanus_ was also positioned well. It liked bright sunlight and the pot hung from a hook high enough on the wall that the succulent's long tendrils of pea-like beads cascaded freely, making it easy to see why it was known as the String of Pearls plant.

"Would you like a cutting?"

David spun around at the sound of Evan's voice. He flushed guiltily. "I was just looking...."

"That's okay. Here's your tea. I mean it about the cutting. Remind me later if you'd like one. It's easy to grow."

"Yes, I know." David took the glass Evan held out.

"Come and sit down again. Before we get started, I'd like you to tell me what your expectations are. Why you signed up for a Wank Bank Masterclass, and so on. This will assist me in making sure your experience is memorable." Evan, who'd seated himself opposite David, leaned forward encouragingly.

"Er…well…." David didn't feel able to explain he'd already acquired something for his own personal _wank bank_ \- now he was using that stupid alliteration in his thoughts - of images to draw on. Evan's dark good looks ticked quite a few of his boxes. 

"You needn't be embarrassed. I've probably heard it all before. There are many reasons people choose to take a Wank Bank Master Class. For some, it's a lack of confidence. They may be entering into a new relationship or perhaps one for the first time, and they don't want to embarrass themselves. Others want to learn new things about their own body's responses. It's also becoming a trendy thing for couples, and there's always good old curiosity about what goes on in a class of this nature."

"I don't think I fit into any of those categories. I'm not in a relationship at the moment. If I was, it wouldn't be my first, and I think I can confidently say I would embarrass myself, or a partner, and I don't think there's anything new to learn about my body. I mean, this is something I've been doing for years. I suppose the closest would be curiosity, because, who wouldn't be curious, but really, I'm here because my cousin gave me a gift voucher as a gag gift."

"Does that mean you don't want to be here?" 

Could that have been a flash of disappointment in Evan's eyes? "Oh, no, I definitely want to be here," David hurriedly assured him. He launched into an explanation of the ongoing competition between himself and Ryan. 

Evan's smile grew until he couldn't hold back a laugh when David got down on the floor and demonstrated the sexercises he'd learned. 

"Misty across the hall teaches cunnilingus and fellatio classes. Would that be something you could give to Ryan?"

"You're joking! That would be perfect."

"I'll introduce you to her later. She works in the room next to mine. Now, I think it's time we began."

David found himself lying back in the armchair, which Evan had reclined. That explained the lack of beds. He took off his shoes and made himself comfortable as instructed, while Evan disappeared into the kitchen. The squeaking that accompanied Evan's return belonged to the wheels of a drinks trolley, but it didn't hold drinks or glasses. The bowl of vegetables on the top shelf shouldn't have been a surprise. Zucchini, cucumbers and carrots; David grinned at the sight of the blatantly phallic selection. He smothered a snort when, with a flourish, Evan produced a banana from behind his back. "Really?"

"Your choice of substitutes goes here," Evan pointed the banana at David's groin, "held in place by clenching your thighs. Or you are at liberty to," he paused and the men locked gazes, "use your own equipment."

David continued staring into Evan's eyes as his hands went to the button on his jeans. The air grew thick and the lighthearted atmosphere faded. The only sound in the room was the lowering of his zipper. His hand stilled when he'd fully undone it. "Um, do we go through to the…the traditional happy ending?" he asked with a smile, lightening the mood again.

"If you wish." Evan dropped the banana on top of the vegetables and opened the trolley cupboard. He withdrew a folded towel, shook it out and placed it on David's thighs.

"So…," David wriggled, pushing his jeans and underwear down his thighs. Should he take hold of his dick straight away? Was he meant to demonstrate his usual technique for Evan's critique? Perhaps he was meant to wait for instructions. Was Evan going to talk him through it? Now that was an idea – he could add that to his wank bank. Or even better, would Evan demonstrate the moves? "What happens next?" he asked, hoping he sounded cool, calm and collected.

"Hmm." Evan's hand hovered over the bowl of vegetables. He picked the banana up again and held one end between his thumb and middle finger so it curved toward the floor. He loosened his grip enough that the banana swung down and drooped almost sadly. "Maybe not," he said teasingly. "I think you're more of a cucumber man."

" _Cucumis sativus_ ," murmured David as he mentally compared his dimensions to those of the cucumber; he thought he may just have the edge on length, but the cucumber definitely won on girth. 

"Now, forget about what you would usually do. We're starting with 'The Pump', said Evan, switching to instructor mode. He faced David so his actions could be clearly seen. He held one end of the cucumber in his left hand, against his belly rather than his groin, so it pointed up at a forty-five degree angle. With his right hand, he began a rhythmic squeezing up and down its length."Pump your hand up and down your cock, taking your time. Feel the warmth of the blood flowing as it thickens and lengthens."

David followed along, wrapping has hand around his cock, and pumping from base to tip and back again, in time with Evan's hand on the cucumber. All too soon Evan moved on to the next technique.

"When you next get to the tip of your cock, hold it between your thumb and index finger and wiggle it like so. This is known as the 'Wiggle Stroke'. You only need wiggle an inch or two, back and forward, side to side. Whatever feels good to you." 

David couldn't believe it. The 'Wiggle Stroke' was only the second move, and it was something he'd never done. He'd have to confess to Ryan he had learned something new, and for something with such a ridiculous name, it felt amazing.

"The _Wriggle Stroke_? The _Pump_? Who thinks of these names?" he asked, needing to distract himself for a minute. Between Evan's voice, Evan's hand working that cucumber and his own hand wiggling his cock side to side, the class was going to be over too soon.

" _Wiggle_ stroke," corrected Evan. "They're easy to remember, so there's no need to get out a printed manual every time you jerk off. Pump for me, David, while I get out some oil. This next one works better with a bit of lubrication." 

"That tea trolley could use a bit of lube," said David; the door creaked every time Evan opened it.

"You're not wrong, but that's a job for later. Now it's time for 'The Corkscrew'." He held up his hand, with the second and third fingers bent, as though holding a corkscrew, and twisted them upwards. "See." He repeated the movement one more time in the air, and then demonstrated on the cucumber. "Let's get you oiled up."

Evan remained professional, holding out the oil for David to take and use; not helping, not touching David's cock. David liked him even more for that, even though he would have enjoyed feeling Evan's hands on him.

He mastered 'The Corkscrew' quickly enough, and 'The Juicer' that followed. He'd never before called the familiar moves by any names, but now he'd have trouble thinking of them any other way. When his fingers slid down his dick until the head hit his palm, he knew his mind would be screaming _The Juicer_. You're doing _the Juicer_! 

"Let me guess. This one's called 'The Firestarter'," said David.

"Got it in one," agreed Evan, rolling the cucumber between his palms. "Gently, though. You don't want an inferno."

"Evan…I don't know…." I don't know much longer I can last. 'Palm Sunday' was one of his favorites. He loved the feeling of his palm circling on the sensitive head, which he often followed with rubbing the head along the soft skin of his forearm. It was like a variation of the 'Wiggle Stroke'. If Evan didn't teach that one, David could suggest some suitable names. The long stokes made him think of 'The Lawnmower', or 'The Paintbrush."

"We'll finish with 'All Together Now'."

"What?" David barely understood what Evan said, he was so ready to come.

"Repeat everything and enjoy your…ah…happy ending." Evan rearranged the towel and then stood back, murmuring words of encouragement as he talked David though his orgasm.

~ * ~ * ~

Ryan hadn't specified what David had to buy at Melissa's sex toy party, so he got away with ordering some massage oil. He booked a party as instructed and wondered whether to invite Evan. He didn't, but he bought himself a green dildo. 

Ryan took Melissa to Misty's cunnilingus and fellatio class, and booked the two of them in to a Wank Bank Master Class. Misty told Ryan about her friend's candle making class. He lost no time in getting David a gift voucher for that one; making a mold of one's own phallus in order to make penis candles sounded just the thing for David's next adventure.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Wank Bank Master Classes are real. Look them up. They are the brainchild of the Rural Ranga, Adam Seymour.  
> Cuddle Classes are real too. I don't know who started those.


End file.
